Seeking The Beacon II

     The fog flows in off the fields and covers the road. As we pass the last of the lights that mark the boundaries of the village, the van begins to pick up speed. He doesn’t want to be late. He’s always been an aggressive driver. Speeding tickets and the deer-van collision last year haven’t done much to change that. He has slowed down a bit with the high gas prices but his impatience could still easily surface as he tailgates or weaves in and out of traffic whenever he feels justified. One can justify anything with the right rationalization, I suppose. We all do it. The houses at the side of the road fade into the black of night and flowing mist as we speed along.

     Have you ever seen fog just as it begins to fill the road? It settles in a straight line like the surface of a lake or a pond. A ribbon of soft grey velvet splits the darkness, rising to the height of 5 or 6 feet. Flying in the black I can see that straight line as it marks the surface of a blind depth just ahead. The mist, like a wave, breaks over the hood and begins to rise. The headlights catch it and then are dimmed as they sink below the level surface.

     It’s frightening in the dark. The fog seems alive, like a great blind serpent that wraps its steely coils ever tighter around us as we hurdle recklessly down the road. This thought, this emotion holds me captive. White fingers wring the car blanket as the red needle on the speedometer climbs…80, 90,100,110,120 and then finally rests uneasily at 130 kilometers. Now isn’t the time to say anything…here in the dark, in the fog. Who knows what hidden thing might suddenly loom up in front of us on the road barely caught in the dim rays of the headlights? Better to stay quiet than admit the fear.

 

"Nothing is going to happen," there’d be an impatient sigh.

"You worry too much." the deep vertical line that marks his dissatisfaction would crease his brow. That mark has grown deeper over the years so that it resembles a knife cut that splits his brow in two, that bloodless gash a symbol of unspoken accusation.

"Why don’t you believe in me?

You never believe in me".

 

     First there is the fear and then there is the anger and they mix to become one like the night and the growing fog around us. Resentment and suspicion meets anything less than happiness. Any signs of sorrow or dissatisfaction must in fact be an assignment of blame or a sign of the death of love, that ultimate betrayal. So… I stay quiet.

     A flood of brackish vapor laps at the window. Ethereal fingers caress the glass, reaching first to shoulder height and then lunging up to wrap around the reflected neck. Purchase gained, the clammy tendrils crawl up higher to smother mouth, nose and at last eyes. We are engulfed, lost in the silence and the dark.

     Time slows as distances fade. Only the broken yellow line, lost itself just ahead on the road, marks progress through the invisible world.  I strain to see anything outside but the empty window holds me hostage. All my landmarks are gone. I know they must be there somewhere. I can still see the yellow line, a lifeline now I guess on this invisible road. The weight of that indistinct greyness, like our silence, bears down suffocating and blank. 

     We break the surface as we crest a hill. In the light from the dashboard I can see his face for a moment free from the fog, the fear, the accusation and the blame. He turns his head and in that reflected light, it is all there. All the days and years of late morning cafe breakfasts, movies and popcorn on the couch, Scrabble games, walks in the park and warm feet under the covers at the end of the day. Just for a moment I see him clearly. Only for a moment we hang on the edge of the precipice, the fog waiting below. There’s just enough time to draw in a gasping breath before the undertow drags us down again.   

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19 thoughts on “Seeking The Beacon II

  1. I\’m pressing my foot to the floor in an effort to slam on the brakes, though it might not be helping you from my kitchen. You are a brave, brave woman!

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  2. hey l,thanks for the comment. that poem has always got me, too. this (and part 1 below) are really good (except for the word \’ethereal\’, which i think gets used too often & is too abstract to be really descriptive… but that\’s just me).slainte!m

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  3. Good Morning, fair Lorna Doone! Brutus was just joshing about the \’end\’! That entry is what I like to call a "comment generator" meant to add just a little circulation to my otherwise bland stagnant blogpond! Thanks for your comments, they have been very kind words when my father was in dire straits. He is very slowly recovering, but, still along way to go. See ya in space. Brutus

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  4. I too am pressing the brake peddle to the floor to slow it down. And yes, we must all beware the dreaded undertow. Take care, hugs to you, and please keep saying what you do. I will keep reading what you say. ~Silent

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  5. 1. WHAT DO YOU MOST LIKE ABOUT HALLOWEEN?2. WHAT DO YOU LIKE LEAST ABOUT HALLOWEEN? 3. WHEN WAS YOUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN AND WHY? 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN TREAT? 5. DO YOU STILL GO OUT TRICK OR TREAT NIGHT? 6. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COSTUME? 7. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? 8. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN MOVIE? 9. DO YOU LIKE HALLOWEEN PARADES? 10. DO YOU THINK HALLOWEEN SHOULD BE BANNED FROM SCHOOLS? Now please….send Halloween spirit or torture throughout and tag 10 others Ha ha ….ur it!

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  6. @JunquedujourYou poor dear….perhaps we should form a club@IndigoAlthough the distance of your kitchen does present some difficulties I appreciate the effort@MarkusEthereal is an interesting word but I myself do find that it is often applied in an ambiguous way…perhaps ghostly would have been a better term but I though it too "heavy" (sorry ever the punster)L@BrutusGlad to know you\’re not hanging on the edge over there. I\’ll say a little prayer for your dad. It may or may not help but it can\’t hurt either.Take Care@MelissaThanks. Hope you\’re doing okay over there without your "Vin" fix.;)@SilentI wish the undertow didn\’t have so many different faces. Sometimes you don\’t even recognize it until it\’s dragging you under.xL@CrazyWhiteWomanI must not be a very good runner because I seem to be "it" quite often ;)I\’m just taking a break from freezing apples so if you don\’t mind I\’ll just finish the quizzie here1. WHAT DO YOU MOST LIKE ABOUT HALLOWEEN?Rockets Candy, I actually would thieve these off my son when he was little, I liked them so much2. WHAT DO YOU LIKE LEAST ABOUT HALLOWEEN?Gory movies…I do like suspenseful films but not gratuitously violent ones 3. WHEN WAS YOUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN AND WHY?1995…I moved in with the man who would become my husband 9 years later 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN TREAT?Ditto #1 5. DO YOU STILL GO OUT TRICK OR TREAT NIGHT?Nope 6. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COSTUME?2 years ago I got hit in the face with a hockey puck just before Halloween…it was the scariest costume ever7. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? Me8. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN MOVIE? The Great Pumpkin or Nightmare Before Xmas9. DO YOU LIKE HALLOWEEN PARADES? Do they have Halloween parades?10. DO YOU THINK HALLOWEEN SHOULD BE BANNED FROM SCHOOLS?NO 😛

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  7. back when i lived in farmville my bf hit a deer almost every time he drove. he didn\’t do it on purpose, i just don\’t see how i never hit one, not once, yet he did it all the time.stephen king wrote a good story called \’the fog\’

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  8. A bit frightening…realized I was making kilometers into miles…still frightening…your description was too real…there is more?…you will make it home or where you are going?…say, yes…

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  9. @CherylIt was very real and very frightening. I do think though, that outside of the reality, there is a symbolism that applies to my reality as a whole.@AimskyI am familiar with the Stephen King story. It plays upon the very basis of human nature in that we fear that which can not be seen. It is the unknown that enbodies our greatest fears. We are naked and impotent in the face of the unseen and undefined. Re: the boyfriend and deer casualtiesMy hubby has been driving for 10 years longer than I have and he\’s had three times as many accidents and tickets as me…including 2 deer related incidents. Could it be a gender related statistic?@PatThere is more but I think I\’m "chewing it over" for a bit. I believe that the beacon I am seeking through the fog on a hidden road at a dangerous speed might be faith…faith in the journey, faith in the driver, faith that I will find my way, my hope and my salvation so to speak. Faith is not a destination…or maybe it is?L

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  10. My dear, your writing is simply amazing. I never cease to be moved by your eloquence, beautiful phrasing, and vivid imagery. So many times now I have read your work and have been transported in situ and feel not like an outsider looking in but an active participant in the story.Thank you so much for your words of wisdom on my page and I look forward to many happy returns to this wonderful page of yours.I wish you and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving, filled with joyous laughter and good times.Talk to you soon.

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  11. ~Hugs~ Ok, This Is A Test To See How Many Friends You Have On The Internet !! It\’s Just A Test. Ok, Here Goes. Instantly, When You Receive This Page, You Must Send It To At Least 10 People, Including The Person Who Sent It To You. *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* You Have Just Been Hugged !! That\’s right, there\’s no getting out of it this time!! This is the start of a full-scale Hug O\’ War! So hug everyone you know!!! Hug your friends, your enemies, everyone!! With all the other forwards out there, I thought this would be a good one to start. The hug is my favorite sign of affection. It can mean so much, and many things at the same time. It can be a sign of love, friendship, comfort or anything So here you go. All I can say it will do is brighten someone\’s day. I mean, we all need a hug once in a while. So send this on if you\’d like, to anyone who may need a hug, send it back to whoever sent it to you, send it back to me!! Goodness knows, we could all Really use a hug sometimes.

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  12. Ok, This Is A Test To See How Many Friends You Have On The Internet !! It\’s Just A Test. Ok, Here Goes. Instantly, When You Receive This Page, You Must Send It To At Least 10 People, Including The Person Who Sent It To You. *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* *Hug* You Have Just Been Hugged !! That\’s right, there\’s no getting out of it this time!! This is the start of a full-scale Hug O\’ War! So hug everyone you know!!! Hug your friends, your enemies, everyone!! With all the other forwards out there, I thought this would be a good one to start. The hug is my favorite sign of affection. It can mean so much, and many things at the same time. It can be a sign of love, friendship, comfort or anything. So here you go. All I can say it will do is brighten someone\’s day. I mean, we all need a hug once in a while. So send this on if you\’d like, to anyone who may need a hug, send it back to whoever sent it to you, send it back to me!! Goodness knows, we could all Really use a hug sometimes. I hope you have a nice day!! BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!!ALZO YOU HAVE A ROCKING SPACE COME N CHECK OUT MY SPACE AND SIGN MY GUESTBOOK!

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  13. @CraigHey Nice of you to stop by…I\’m a little melancholy thanks for the good wishes ;p…I thought you were off on a jaunt and visiting people in RS.xL@SimonOnce again I\’m blushing. Please accept my thanks for your kind words. I hope your holiday was a warm and joyous event. L@StulolMany thanks for your kind wishes and salutations. I did enjoy the stuffed carcass, family politics and enzyme induced slumber (I had the oddest dream involving a hedgehog in footie pajamas). I can only hope your holiday was as eventful.:PL@AmandaThanks…Happy Turkey Day to you as well. =)

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